| Why I "hate" Women |
[Dec. 11th, 2008|08:46 am] |
Okay, this has been on my mind for a long time, and I just needed to get it off my chest. Let me start off by saying that I do not hate women. I love women, they are beautiful, albeit evil creatures (except our mothers who are wonderful), and that this species could not continue or even function without their presence, and it is with that in mind that I continue...
As a little boy, I hated little girls. Girls were icky and stupid, and had bad taste. What else do you call pastels and Barbies and the drivel that poured out of their taffy faces? I didn't hate them before first grade; I liked them at the babysitter's just fine, I liked them in pre-school, kindergarten, and daycare. I'm not sure what really caused the shift, but I know that it happened about the time I was six. Adults told me some day I would get over it and I would like girls. I swore to them at six years old that this would never happen and they would never have the satisfaction of being right. I am still suffering from this today.
Now I love my mother. I loved my grandmother just the same. The two of them were my entire world at that age (I lived with the two of them), except when I got to play Sega Genesis (at my dad's house, where we would also watch Baywatch "because of the hot babes" ^_~). As much of a sweetheart as my mother is, my grandmother was ten times as sweet, and I had very positive, loving women making a strong impression on me. Why then, were the females my age so different? I reasoned that there must be an age where girls become women, and so shed all that makes them so undesirable. Then again, as wise and quick-witted as many of my lady teachers were, they too seemed on the negative side of the coin, mainly due to their cranky dispositions. I have always noted that male teachers are the most level-headed and amicable, followed by single women, followed by married women, and if there's one thing I loved as a child in school, it was antagonizing my old married lady teachers. ^_^
Chauvanism got off to a nice start at this time, remarking that women being equivalent to property in the Pilgrims' society was "the way it should be". That got a laugh. Of course, I didn't believe it then, I believed in perfect equality for the treatment of the sexes, since we couldn't choose at birth (I was also a tree-hugging hippy then, and I referred to animals as "people"; we all have to grow up sometime). I don't believe that women should be property now, mind you, but I don't believe in perfectly equal treatment of the sexes either, but I can get into that another time. I was still raised to hold the door open for ladies, and I did, was happy to do it, and still do it to this day.
The problem with that was I was raised with TOO much humility, to a point that it practically crippled me. I developed a severe inferiority complex, which of course led me to act out more than I had before, and thinking about it now, since I've heard that the human mind looks for someone to be better than, maybe it's possible that I chose girls to fill that role. That's doubtful, however, since I also didn't think much of the dimwitted boys that were my age either. Misanthropy is such a great friend to a lonely child.
I just saw a kid on Conan O'Brien who wrote a book called "How to Talk to Girls". The kid is smart, he's nine years old, and he's basically already figured out most of the important things the pickup artist and seduction communities took twenty years to break down into a science to teach to adult men. Growing up as a videogame addicted, misanthropic boy who hated girls his own age is enough to eclipse whatever social interpersonal skills I've developed in high school and beyond.
Now speaking of high school, there came a point where I had to come to terms with the fact that I was indeed attracted to girls. Pathetic? No. But I had spent my whole life since six believing that that would be giving in, admitting defeat, and destroying the entire monument I had built that was the person I was. I knew I was capable of some pretty sick mental shit, take that in whatever magnitude of ways you like. ^_- I felt like to give up the ghost and allow the thick wall I had erected to be broken down would make me soft, like them, and kill that edge I had, the thing of which I was most proud. I may have had some crushes here and there, but in Junior year it finally happened: I fell in love.
If that sounds mushy, that's because it is, and it's gross. I made the decision with myself that that was okay, and that I should probably do something about it. I didn't know what to do, however, so I felt intense pressure whenever I was around her, and it was very awkward. I enjoyed her company a great deal, but I couldn't even think about asking her to spend time together outside of school withot becoming uncomfortable. I did once, and she actually agreed, but details were nebulous and I never followed up on it. The fact that I still thought about her sometimes seriously bothered my first girlfriend, whom I started dating when I was nineteen, long after everyone else had been in the dating pool for years.
What does that have to do with hating women? Well, my first girlfriend was a bitch, and reconfirmed everything I had hated about girls as a child, everything you overlook when you're blinded by love. Insecure and inconsistent, she was a basket case of false presumptions and entrapment. At that time, my two most present friends would re-enforce, "all women are like that." That didn't help. It's also probably telling that their most frequent catch phrase was, "Ya see, Skinner? All women are whores!" I thought of that line when I heard a segment on the radio where women called in to admit to dumping their boyfriends in the Spring to "have more fun" in the Summer, only to settle back down in the Fall and get Christmas presents. Despicable.
The best book I read this year for restoring my faith in women was actually Men Are Better Than Women. For all of it's hyperbolizing and sometimes outright false claims, the book is fun, and admits at the end that despite everything else, at the end of the day, there's something about women that makes them special, even if we don't know what it is. Then I saw Danica McKellar's book about math and it all went back down the toilet. ^_-
I also learned this year that the two drives that perpetuate human life, the drive to survive and the drive to replicate, manifest differently in men and women. Men of course look for indicators of health and replicative value for the highest index of bringing our seed into the world, while women look for indicators of survival value for the highest index of protecting her and her offspring. What was more fascinating to me was that a man's perceived survival value is directly related to his social value. The more social he is, the more able he is to protect himself and his loved ones. Women sniff this out, and they can tell when we're faking it (unless we're really good).
And speaking of social situations, one thing I've always had a hard time with is the duality of relationships. I just can't wrap my head around the double-standard of interacting with women professionally, but also interacting with them sexually. How can it be both? The first question a man unconsciously asks himself when he looks at a woman is, "Would I have sex with her?" and answers either yes or a no within a second. If that's the case, how can I look at an attractive lawyer and interact with her without doing my biological duty and asking her out? On the other hand, if that's socially unkosher, what kind of interaction IS permissable? I may never know exactly, but propriety is not my strong point.
Now I've talked about this recently with my mother. The reason I'm so angry is because I don't think women are capable of loving me. I believe my mother and my grandmother are the only people who have and will ever love me, and that when my mother dies, I will never feel love again. I'll be devastated.
So at the end of the day, despite everything about women that makes them so easy to hate, it is all the more noble and manly to forgive them and love them. Whether this makes us chumps is a discussion for another time, but there is something special about women, even if we don't know what it is. (and I won't say what I think, but just ask any man who looooves women what he loves most, and I'll bet he mentions something physical ^_-)
P.S. I could go on and on, my issues with women are literally limitless, but I decided to keep it short for brevity's sake.
P.P.S.
Hair pulling and name calling among children.
General consensus: Flirting
When I did it: Pure, innocent mischief ^_^ |
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